New Start

Dating and relationships are hard under the best of circumstances.  Being bipolar - well, I wouldn't call it the best of circumstances.  I generally shy away from anything that might be a romantic connection because I hate the idea of wondering how they feel, how I feel, if I can control my moods around them, and if I should tell them - hey, I'm crazy.  There is NO good time to bring that up.  Someone let me know if you've found otherwise.

The stress of it actually can be a trigger for me and make me uberparanoid.  About everything.  I also have serious doubts about my ability to withstand heartbreak.  Now, I know I don't need to enter every relationship thinking about the what ifs and jumping into the future...but quite frankly, I find it fairly difficult to just completely ignore it.  To some degree, I must be utterly girly and overanalyze.  But because I hate this, I usually avoid it.

Usually.  Recently, in an effort to take more chances and to determine what it is I want and like in my life, I agreed to meet a couple new people.  One of whom I met tonight.

All I can say is I am certainly glad I did. We will see what happens.

Ugh

Since coming back from vacation and being back at work (the whopping two days), I've realized precisely how much of my frustration and unhappiness has been stemming from my job.  I've known I haven't been completely happy there for a while and that I should move on,  but when I was just living my life and dealing with it day after day, I really couldn't identify how strong of an impact it was having on me.  But after coming back from vacation to find I am dreading every single morning and every single hour that drags, it is impossible to ignore just how bad the situation has gotten.  This job is not worth this level of stress and dissatisfaction.

I am not one of those people who lives for my work.  I never will be nor do I want to be, and so accordingly, I don't look for that kind of career or for a job where I will constantly competing at a cut-throat level to move forward.  That said, I am motivated and a hard worker and willing to go to pretty extreme levels to do a good job.  But not when it's not worth it - not when I'm being made unhappy by the work I'm in.

And thus, the job search begins!  Time to get my resume out, updated, and polished.  Time to juggle interviews around when I can get off work without creating chaos or suspicion.  Time to move on.